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Monthly Archives: August 2008

So much has happened. I seriously got mind fucked by god. The way it happened was through light, myth and magic. I would like to break down my experience by referencing the mayan Blue Rhythmic Night. If I don’t, none of my experience would make sense to you and it would just seem like I babbled on, yet again. lol. I am going to take this in stages. Here is the first:

 

Blue Night is your Conscious Self – who you are and who you are becoming. 

Blue night is the dark mystery within, the journey into self, that place to which you can always retreat to garner the gifts of your process subjectively. You are being asked to enter into and explore your process subjectively. Blue Night is the immense field of potential found in the depths of human emotion and feeling. The touch of Blue Night is like the moment you crawl into bed and feel yourself surrounded by warmth, darkness and peace.

This really got me thinking hard after all that has been experienced seemed to be a serious mind fucking on the celestial level far beyond what I could imagine. When I think about (1) getting arrested from going into a complete strangers house – and not even an online hookup’s pad – I scratch my head. That day, infamous as now May 7- BTW, this lady talking to at the library right now told me she believes in miracles again because the librarian was able to do something for her. LOL. I’m trying to get back into my experience and document what I been through as a true miracle on earth. That kind of co-inky-dink is just standard with me I guess. But more importantly, the way life works – it’s trying to communicate “the dream” with such co-inky-dinks. I interpret that brief moment the random lady that just now spoke to me as life reaffirming my thought patterns. That kind of thinking is perfect to how I explain the word “subjectively”. That word I didn’t understand at all while I was experiencing all those wierd moments. It’s good that I didn’t understand then and thought that everyone and everything was fucking with me and that I couldn’t escape the climax that seemed to make me believe that I was going to be raptured by the aliens in control of this experience.

That word subjectively is critical.

sub·jec·tive    Audio Help   [suhb-jek-tiv] Pronunciation KeyShow IPA Pronunciation

–adjective
1. existing in the mind; belonging to the thinking subject rather than to the object of thought (opposed to objective).
2. pertaining to or characteristic of an individual; personal; individual: a subjective evaluation.
3. placing excessive emphasis on one’s own moods, attitudes, opinions, etc.; unduly egocentric.
4. Philosophy. relating to or of the nature of an object as it is known in the mind as distinct from a thing in itself.
5. relating to properties or specific conditions of the mind as distinguished from general or universal experience.
6. pertaining to the subject or substance in which attributes inhere; essential.
7. Grammar.

a. pertaining to or constituting the subject of a sentence.
b. (in English and certain other languages) noting a case specialized for that use, as He in He hit the ball.
c. similar to such a case in meaning. Compare nominative.
8. Obsolete. characteristic of a political subject; submissive.
 
Breaking down the barriers to understanding the miracle now is to know the word subjectively.
 
I want to jump ahead of myself and tell you everything but I’m trying to have self control because I find it SO INTERESTING that on the last day of my journey I went to 515 w 7th st and listened to a band play music. The band member that invited me lived at 705 in Pedro’s apt building. The crazy part was that there is a deer on the side of the building where the band played and the crazy part is that the deer to the mayans means a symbol of completion. Not only did I instantly recognize this when he RANDOMLY invited me, but I was so proud of the fact that I did complete my mission and I did get so many signs that says – YES this is all in your head but YES other people know that it’s all in my head and they are allowed to fuck with my head – so I can act out the cosmic comedy and tell the story from all angles. The crazy part now, is that the band member moved out of the apartment (I think because it looks like he did) now that I am out of the ruckess and back to normal. I wonder where he went. Did he go back to his home planet? Did Keven and Tony from my previous apartment go back to their world or do they stay and live within that communion building I initiated this intense journey into the unknown – subjectively?
 
What I just can’t get out of my head is May 7th when I went into that guys apartment thinking that “the gym” would be there to “work me out” to look buff and sexy on mty way to heaven. When I go over my experience I have to say that it was all in my head but key events happened that showed people knew what I was doing and that what I was doing was inacting that Mayan day as – White Cosmic Mirror. I did do drugs, aka smoked meth but my god, that was just the amplifyer as later I would explain from the mayan reading.
 
That drug was my friend in the experience so I can turn into the enemy.
 
So Here is show that day started. I made me a crappy lunch. Watched Anthony Bordains – No reservations – loved that show. Anthony Bordain ate a raw seal, eyeballs and everything on air. That to me was wierd and took me by major surprise so I screamed. I was shocked that such a chef with his resume and talent would go to the middle of nowhere and eat a raw BLOODY SEAL. It was gross! It was really nasty as the blood was everywhere and the eyeball looked all gross and nasty. AHHHHH!!! I scream thinking about it was so discusting! Then an arbys “rescue” commercial came on and this guy was dead onscrean and he ate an arbys sandwhich and supposedly came back to life. Now this guy had a wierd right eyeball that looked “off”. He made me scared and I was terrified looking at thim. Now that combined with the dead nasty seal made me just go nuts I guess. I thought I literally was in hell and that this was my last day on earth – so I turned to the travel channel.
On the travel channel was a show about the top 10 castles and dark castles that is. Throughout the show it talked about queens and kings etc… and I thought that I was competiting against a queen to get a chance into heaven. Because at this moment I thought in some previous life I must of fucked up really bad to god and now I am trying to redeem myself back to heaven’s loving santuary. But people I fucked over had one last chance to get me back and prevent me from getting into heaven. That queen undoubtedly revealed herself as Julie White – my psychic lady who told me all the magical things earlier. I always had a thought in my head that her frail little old lady body was a trick and she was indeed a powerful woman. She is the only lady that has ever put a spell over me – literally – at the park 2 years ago she put all my negativity into some tree and that I should never go back  there otherwise I would get my negativity again. But looking back she charged me $1000 to sprinkle brown sugar over me probably. I got my money back and I thought she would take revenge on me eventually and this day was that day – May 7th. During the show the Queen got her head cut off and I thought I won because I was still alive and breathing heavy – scared as hell while watching. During the next show, the top 10 riches places of the USA, I knew that was a sign that I succeeded in my good intentions and that I was on my way to heaven.
It all got crazy when the commercials started. The way the show was airing it had a lot of pauses in revealing the number one rich place where you can find gold etc… and somehow, and this defentely was the meth talking, I put myself mentally as a gold prospector and knew california would be a sign that gives me the right to go to heaven. On the commercials they showed a commercial from chinet which had a woman place a plate down on the floor and poof – there were people eating a nice meal. So in my crazy mind I thought that this was the way heaven worked. I thought that  things just come to you like that because that’s how simple happiness is in heaven – put a plate down and pop – you have friends eating happily who magically manefiested their bodies at your house, at your tables, instantly prepared with a fork and knife in hand to eat your instantly mind-prepared dish.
Oh boy was the meth amplifying my heavenly thoughts.
So another show came on after I struck gold in california and winning my right to go to heaven. It was about bridges. I swear during the show it seemed like they were presenting the London Bridge as a briedge in Virginia or something like that. That made think -whoa. Heaven is just 1 planet and hell is many planets in space competiting for survival. When I tripped out to that top ten bridges show on the travel channel I knew, I mean I  just knew with all my crazed meth filled mind that I was now officially going to heaven and the TV was welcoming me an opportunity to get there NOW.
I was going to arrive in heaven by working out. It seemed so because I remember angels are all hot and super sexy! They have ripped bodies and big tits and seemed to be all white. I just knew when that ballys commercial came on that I was given the golden ticket to go work out and get  hella sexy in a gym that lied between the gates of hell and heaven. Which I mean that the house I lived in with my  roommate was between heaven and hell. SO I CALLED BALLYS. I told them “I would like a new body” and that I was ready to come down and “work out”. The guy on the other end was playing this mind fucking game really well because he asked me what channel I was watching and I told him “the travel channel” and he said ‘Great! I am glad you’re watching us” or something like that. Then I told him in a ‘frightened for my life voice’ that I wanted a new body and that I also wanted ‘cosmic harmony’ through ‘love and light’. He then told me to SAY THAT AGAIN-so I did! He got excited and told me he loved that and that they wanted that too so I should say it again if I wanted to work out with them and get a new body. I said it AGAIN. then he said say it AGAIN! Then he said that sound great man, we’ll we’d love to have you down here. Do you know how to get to us? I said yeah you’re on flower st. And believe me you I thought heaven was just exactly like earth except for it being many countries and nations it was just one nation of america and everything was in one countryu. But the key difference between heaven and hell was that Los Angeles existed between both heaven and hell as the same topography. So this was great because I thought I could just hop on the bus and head downtown and get my ass to heaven and work out as the first task I do in heaven so I can look hot  like all the other angeles waiting for me there. I also thought all my loved ones and my REAL lover, who was a man there, waiting for me. I was a girl in heaven so I thought.
So I will leave it off here… I got my 3 crisp dollar bills and told the cat goodbye kitty I am going to heaven. I showed my roommate those dollar bills the previous night bec ause I was so excited that they were all sequencial and perfect like they came off the presses just randomly given to me from shopping at CVS the previous day. So as I went out of the house. I went to the bus stop then saw the license plates say 4 RY and I thought omg I am not in heaven yet so there will be a fight to get me there. If I am stupid then taking the bus will only take me back to hell because no one hot rides the bus. So heaven MUST BE AROUND THE BLOCK….. So I left the bus stop and those ugly patrons and headed back to my block running as fast as I could.
 
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