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Monthly Archives: December 2008

It’s pretty awesome how I have gotten to know Selene. I can see now she is very wise in her powers of perception. Today it was like she was not only reading my mind but speaking as if God himself was telling me what to do. It’s so weird how I experienced moments when I was crazy that pointed out the words “San Pedro”. Even that one time when I went away from the apartment after Pedro was being “mean” I sat on the overpass bridge and watched the highway sign “San Pedro”. At least 3 specific occasions I thought “San Pedro” was specifically placed for my attention. It always seem to be a metaphor I couldn’t solve because I kept going back in forth in my mind that Pedro was God or Devil in his behavior.

One really ridiculous moment was the night I was overwhelmed with Heaven. That day getting on the bus those demonic/angelic impressions of those 2 guys. Then the guy on the bus talking to the bus driver about “the people that passed away tape” just as I was about to get off the bus. I felt some energy like these people knew me. The Mayans say I am the “gift”. Why would I be a gift to this world? They say it has something to do with Balance. In the beginning of my madness I was overwhelmed with a great cosmic war. Overtime, discovering the code and the myriad of illusions I felt like I was sent and not from this world. Even my old roommate Meredith posted a paper on the fridge telling me my mission was over and “Life and Love” have met here but now I must go. WTF?! Everyone fucks with me over this Balance thingie.

I know I solved the balance issue. However, like a video game, Pedro always seemed to be the last boss to defeat. Unlike the previous stages, Pedro is more difficult because Love and Self is involved. How can I overcome my desires to be truly loved? How can I look at myself as a whole person that has an added benefit of another person in their life, not the other way around? I refuse to be a whore, druggie looser as Pedro taunts me angrily sometimes, completely forgetting the many ways we have loved each other and how those words have never left my lips even when times have proven them to be true for him.

Do I blame the code? That’s a great question. I have to get over the fact that he acts exactly like his coded personality and he cannot escape. He is a prisoner of love. That’s why he kept rescuing me so many times because I am the only one in his life, even more than his mom, that truly knows him, loves him and accepts him unconditionally. He knows if I ever got rich I’d give him all my money to support him because I love him too. Love certainly has a major darkside.

Selene was so good at telling me what’s in my head today I was pretty speechless. I really need to “San Pedro” and create a plan to move on because I was doing so well before I met Pedro and I long to have that lifestyle again.

This is going to be the most difficult challenge I have yet to face because I have to face myself. It’s almost like the moment in the Neverending story when the warrior had to face the mirror and see his true self. Frightening! Well I have faced my mirror and know exactly what I “look” like. Am I afraid to step through the mirror and into the magic on the otherside? Hell yes I am! I am so afraid of what the unknown is! What does life look like after balance? How do I relate to people after all that I know and went through? How can I just “hang out” and “talk bullshit” and make new friends and have new experiences??

One interesting part of that night I was thinking about Heaven so much is that I kept singing “A Whole New World” that day then Alladin came on and I was freaking out so I faced the madness and watched it with Pedro. I knew it was weird but he wouldn’t care or believe me. Anyway, that night I was sure Earth was ‘transported’ or ‘protected’ in some major way that was hidden from human perception. As soon as the hour approached that I was sure the time validated the moment earth was in heaven’s realm it felt like Pedro was the gardian that could either take meet God or leave me on earth if I wasn’t thankful. I ran into the bathroom and bowed down alone and thanked god profusely. He was acting kinda weird but I know it was all in my head now. But then, omg, it was like I was in a trance. I’m not even telling the whole story but it ended up with me thinking that me and pedro was going to be the only ones left on earth to repopulate it after the angels wiped everyone away cuz they were bad, coded. I ended up almost walking out my building butt naked thinking that’s the way to get into heaven. I wasn’t even high or anything. It was utter insanity but most certainly without a doubt the same forced signal to my brain telling me stuff and making me think stuff.

It’s super interesting how mid-through the craziness I saw a metaphor of a girl with bag, actually 2 girls in very unique places and both bags said “I am not a plastic bag”. I know what that means now, Spirit or whoever cant just keep pumping info into my brain and see what I will do, just follow it or discriminate.

Anyway I am not a plastic bag and I don’t know where this post is going but I must say life for me is a bit scary because I know I must face the unknown eventually. Call my own bluff so they say. What exactly is heaven on earth? It’s basically how I feel about myself. I am always the one who decides anything in my life is heavenly. Right now I see my view of Love and ideals of Self coming into balance in 2009. I already love myself more than the desire to put up with Pedro so that’s the first step in balance in my life. I can do so much and Selene was so right when she pointed out how much has been taken away from me since I been with Pedro. I cannot even express how pathetic I feel sometimes not having anywhere to go, because I don’t know where to hang out in LA (not clubs). I wait for Pedro but after all these years I can see that Pedro has reached his limit. It’s pretty disappointing because I will love him forever. However, I refuse to be his dog.

*WOOF*

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This song is from me to me. I turned on pandora and it was the first song to play. I don’t have to read into it to know that my life is pretty special. Congradulations me, you survived yourself and I cannot wait to know myself next New Years!

Let’s dance!

My new years resolution for 2009 is to reboot myself so that I can use the wisdom learned in 2008 to become the real me. I’ve overcome many challenges and I must respect that journey. Love can be a prison and a jail with no visible bars. In 2009, I must overcome those issues I struggle with that helds me back from my full potential. Gone are the crazy moments I was locked into living, loosing everything to let go. In order for me to be love I have to unlock my potential using self-control and determined will power. I know what I have to do in order to free myself from the stuckness and repetitive patterns of 2008 and prior. I love myself and now I must love myself more than love itself. I am more important than philosophy and metaphysics. I am the new beginning and my end. One thought that helps me feel a little confident that I will achieve my personal goals is that I still have Pedro in my life and his love. I want the thought of being able to support him one day be the driving force behind my controlled motivations to improve my life. I have a great opportunity ahead in 2009 to explore being alive in the present moment. No crazy thoughts, no drugs, no hookups, no lies, no drama, nothing that will distract me. I’ve found balance in life in 2008, now I embrace the balance in my life so I will one day look back on this insane year and be grateful I survived it.

I was my own worst enemy.

Happy New Year to me!

You too Spirit! You’ve got to calm your ass down with all the crazy stuff cuz I’m fully present now.

Just watch me grow into a real human being that’s glad to be here. I cannot wait for that day to come.

Unconditional Love

Unconditional Love

Ugh I get heebee jeebees everytime I think of morgellons. But this space-alien zombie-like “disease” infected me in 2007 and I know it fucked with my mind cuz I was fucking crazy ever since. I wonder so much about that period in  my life because ever since morgellons my life has been a bit mad. Here’s an email from a lovely girl on Youtube looking for the cure. I’m so glad I didn’t kill myself cuz I wanted to so bad when those bugs were crawling in my face ahahhh! I been through a lot… I know I will recover my life in 2009. Blip’d is almost complete! I said Blip’d again! I’m passionate about business and money again! Going to get my web projects live this coming year! I’m still in love with Pedro… I learn so much about the light and dark of being human from being with him and being me.

I want to ask you some questions…
everyone is alienating me, and I am suffering.
I want to do this, but need to speak to someone.
Mine are unfortunately on my face, head , neck and i think in my mouth and gums.
My quality of life is a deteriorated mess.

I am in L.A. that is me in the videos on my page, I am a filmmaker,
although now I am a bit more like a monster.
I am recovering from a brain tumor as well, so I was a weak target.
I want my body and my life back…
I have been shut in for 4 months… bedridden and bloody with lesions and eruptions.
Sandpapered!
Between this and my other issues, I would welcome a last breath.

I need a human to speak to.
Please i beg you…
Help me?

I want to try this asap, but I am utterly alone and beyond confused.
Is there a real doctor to go to?
For follow up.
I need to execute this properly, as it is my FACE!
Oh God…
Pray for me.

This is a long shot.
But I gravitated to you.
And hope I will resonate with you enough to just get a bit of direction.

Please write.
Warmest Gratitude,
Cara
caradandelionfilms@yahoo.com
323 308 8660

I realize those shadows I have been walking through in the darkness of 2008. Sometimes I have been fucking retarded and other times fucking brilliant. I will make it my goal to take better care of myself, all of myself in 2009. I cannot wait until I am using my freedom to lift myself beyond my current circumstances. I’m also stopping the mayan stuff and the code. No more windy talk. It’s getting too be too much and making me lame. No aliens are going to attack and no spirits are ever going to show their face. The synchronicity was learned and mastered but now it’s time to let that all go because balance was done in 2008. I have completed my mission and now it’s time to enjoy being myself and spending more time on recovering my life.

I must post this again because I never read this before and its so interesting how I am growing through really. I said GROWING. I will bold some things I feel stand out big time.

Blue Eagle is also your Higher Self & Guide. (you are guided by your own power doubled)

To the Mayan, Blue Eagle represents the eagle, the one who soars in conscious flight above the Earth, the one whose vision sees far beyond the mind of humanity. Blue Eagle is the compassion of all hearts linked as one. Blue Eagle is the essence of dawn – clear, fresh, and newly charged to fulfill your most cherished dreams. With unconditional love, Blue Eagle pierces the depths of collective hopelessness and lifts mass consciousness. It urges the alliance of the faithful of the stars to serve through their remembrance of the light.

The harmonic wisdom of Blue Eagle is flow, representing smooth, uninterrupted movement. Blue Eagle is the flow of planetary conciousness. In this evolutionary development, whatever serves the larger pattern also serves you. In this, there is a model of flowing wholeness, of how to move gracefully with yourself and the greater whole. Blue Eagle gives the cosmic dancer wings. It asks you to fly, riding the magical currents of your life with the vision and grace of a soaring eagle. The energy of Blue Eagle gives you the ability to flow in every moment, without preconceived ideas, plans, or belief systems, creating the crest of the wave on which you surf to new heights of joy and delight!

In these moments when I write so much it’s because I feel that electric current of JOY knowing I overcame my emotions today and bought pedro a gift. Most people would of murdered him knowing what I been through. But I tried so hard to fight my mind because I felt like I was a slave to my emotional reactions and I never done anything like this before so in the face of evil, I bring you love. I got more love back because my new friends are coming over for drinks and tonight the mexican mother of love Selene is taking me out dancing to some house music, Doc Martin is spinning. I’m going to get down like JAMES BROWN… so fucking funny the ambulance guy wheeling me around to the crazy hospital was named James brown and he was on tv just a day or so before we were watching it. Syncronicity is a funny bitch and so dramatic. I hoped all you invisible people watching me enjoyed the show in 2008. I certainly put on one fucking steller show.

Another interesting part about my relationship to today is this section specifically which is so specific to my life it’s scary. But I made a choice. I spontaneously bought a gift instead of reacting by insult or phsyical action. I never been that hurt in my life. I truly feel like there are much much more worst things than death you can live through in this world that seems to be the real hell.

I’m going to bold the specific things because I even thought about these things specifically. I even said these words TODAY.

Red Serpent represents your Challenge and Gift. With maturity and awareness this challenge will turn into a Focus. This is what you desire to learn in this lifetime.

Red Serpent represents the reptilian brain. This part of the brain thrives on routine, pattern and predictability. If you are in the shadow of Red Serpent, you may be living your life on “automatic pilot,” appearing to be separated from choices motivated by your Essence Self. Utilitze the power of Red Serpent to create spontaneity and novelty, freeing the predictability of the routine and habitual.

The shadow of Red Serpent can also be seen as adherence to cultural beliefs. One example of this is having the “right” diet, car, house, meditation practice, and so on. Another is wanting others to fit your picture of desirability or fulfill your desires, in order to create a feeling of security and self-worth. Transform these patterns. Discover your own intrinsic motives. Sense the novel choices available to you. Practice making decisions intuitively and spontaneously. You are being asked to connect instinct with essence.

Another shadow of Red Serpent is being attached to the physical body or being enmeshed in sensual desires. Perhaps you identify so much with your body and how it looks that you think your body is you. This can support the illusion of separation from your Essence Self. Work with the issues and physical desires held within your body. Step aside from your self-judgements and issues of sexual expression. Utiltize Red Serpent to fully experience sexuality in alignment with love. See the body as a sacred tool for transformation. Step aside from judging the sexual preferences and expressions of yourself and others.

Hidden in the dark recesses of this shadow are issues of sexual dysfunction, sexual harassment, rape, sexual abuse, and the fear around AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases. Red Serpent offers transformation and healing. Revealed in these shadow issues of sexuality is a desire for deeper union, love, and intimacy. Some people feel intimacy only during infatuation or romantic interludes and lovemaking; however, intimacy is the mutual connection between essences. It is the ability to acknowledge the depths of another person, and it can be fostered through many kinds of sharing, including that of feelings and vulnerabilities, warmth and affection, and hopes and fears. Explore what it means to be intimate with another, remembering that intimacy is an open door to higher state of consciousness.

The transformation offered in this shadow is found in learning to love yourself and others unconditionally.

This song just came on right now. If you don’t see the communication by now then what the fuck is wrong with you?

Sometimes this Mayan stuff is way too personal. It’s like they know me so intimately before I even know myself.

Totally fucking weird and wonderful.

Pay Attention to

Blue Eagle is also your Higher Self & Guide. (you are guided by your own power doubled)

I never read that paragraph before and it’s so interesting because today I bought Pedro some chocolates as an xmas present and wrote him a card thanking him for his love. I will not be having sex with him ever again (I hope I can fight that and remember why I broke up with him for good this time) but I overcame my reactions and instead of reacting to the negativity I analysed it and saw the reflection. I overcame cause and effect, good and the evil of what he has done to me. I beat him. In this virtual game I am super mario and I jumped all over his negative throught forms projecting back to me from his behavior. I crush them with LOVE. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND FORGIVENESS!

I never knew I could actually feel more love by doing that. I cried so much when I left the house because it’s really interesting it’s totally like his mind is sick and just cannot see himself. It’s fucking amazing how the evil, pure fucking evil he has done in his actions yet he was the only one who picked me up from the crazy hospital twice when I was SO alone and helplessly crazy by spirit. I cannot forget that amazing love he has shown me on both sides of the duality. In many ways he has shown me the face of God and the Devil. The Mayan stuff talks about the stars of the faithful and I’m so curious about that because there was a MAJOR force of thought and people that came into my life in the beginning of the crazyness that felt like I was protecting the earth from an alien attack. Even that day on the bus close to me loosing  my job that guy talking to the bus driver was acting SO WEIRD and he said “the people that passed away tape” as I approached 7th and spring where my home with Pedro was. And the ambulance worker that day I was helplessly crazy again naked in the streets and he gave me a wink when everyone knew I was shouting and calling for Pedro who was a Grey in human form. Anyway. My life solves this great mystery and all is cured because I totally fucking feel like I am cured. I was my own medicine and oh yeah I must post that song but my girl is playing right look at the syncronicity:

I fucking love how bleeding love was the first song that forced it’s way through my reality OVER AND OVER again and how it was labled SPIRIT.

Here’s a song that came on SO MANY TIMES WHEN THE SYNCRONICITY WAS LIKE I LOVE YOU FOR LETTING GO.

THE MOST AMAZING THING ABOUT THAT SONG COMING ON DURING THE “CONVERSATION” WAS THAT JULIE THE PSYCHIC AND MY LANDLORD WHEN I FIRST MOVED TO LA TOLD ME I WAS THE MEDICINE AND I DON’T KNOW WHO I REALLY AM YET. I HAD NO IDEA HOW AMAZINGLY TRUE THAT STATEMENT WAS THEN. The TV was totally following my thoughts that night it told me it was a woman. It’s like existence is transforming from just a planet to Gaia, a woman! MOTHER EARTH THROUGH TO ME BECAUSE I AM MADE FROM THE EARTH! I TOTALLY ACCEPT THAT NOW!!! I’m so glad earth is not just a planet but a living organism. If it was just a lucky rock we’d all be fucked by some homeless aliens killing us to take our home. That’s the kind of hopelessness I think “the stars of the faithful” must be fearful of and what they are hoping I can realize by not seeing anything at all. That would be a pure experience and pure answer.

Blue Rhythmic Eagle



Tone 6: Rhythmic – Organic Balance

Blue Eagle is your Conscious Self – who you are and who you are becoming.

Blue Eagle reminds you to step powerfully into your commitment as a planetary server! Your assignment includes whatever furthers your personal evolution and the evolution of global mind. You are an awakener, a transformer, an empowered gloal visionary. In your vision, you have compassion for others, and your decisions are made in the light of global consciousness. Ask yourself how you might experience compassion toward self, the Earth, and others. Be guided towards types of work, relationships, places to live, and projects that will benefit the Earth and her creatures. Allow your spirit to expand. Soar on your spreading wings and planetary perspective. Affirm: “Through your, Gaia, I am also transformed! I am awakening as the return of divine love and light. We are all one. Gaia, as you awaken, I heal myself. As I awaken, you are healed, and together our petals open ecstatically to the new Sun of Flowers.”

You are a member of the one global family, a planetary server and transformer. Blue Eagle asks you to join in lifting the collective mind. It is up to each one of us to hold a positive vision and affirmation, for the means by which this miracle will occur is through changes in the one affecting the greater whole.

Imagine the profound impact your loving thoughts have on planetary mind. You do make a difference! As you connect individually with the larger crystal grid network, your power is multiplied exponentially. This galactic grid is also known as the Mayan cobweb.

The greatest gift you can offer to the planet is to simply be the love. Believe in yourself and your dreams and visions! Remember your special gifts, your path of service on Earth, your promise to serve the light. Everything you are connects to the greater whole. You are starseeded! You have the vision of the eagle. Believe in your dreams. You are the hope and the vision revealed.

Blue Eagle is also your Higher Self & Guide. (you are guided by your own power doubled)

To the Mayan, Blue Eagle represents the eagle, the one who soars in conscious flight above the Earth, the one whose vision sees far beyond the mind of humanity. Blue Eagle is the compassion of all hearts linked as one. Blue Eagle is the essence of dawn – clear, fresh, and newly charged to fulfill your most cherished dreams. With unconditional love, Blue Eagle pierces the depths of collective hopelessness and lifts mass consciousness. It urges the alliance of the faithful of the stars to serve through their remembrance of the light.

The harmonic wisdom of Blue Eagle is flow, representing smooth, uninterrupted movement. Blue Eagle is the flow of planetary conciousness. In this evolutionary development, whatever serves the larger pattern also serves you. In this, there is a model of flowing wholeness, of how to move gracefully with yourself and the greater whole. Blue Eagle gives the cosmic dancer wings. It asks you to fly, riding the magical currents of your life with the vision and grace of a soaring eagle. The energy of Blue Eagle gives you the ability to flow in every moment, without preconceived ideas, plans, or belief systems, creating the crest of the wave on which you surf to new heights of joy and delight!


White World-Bridger is your Subconscious Self and Hidden Helper.

In this life-time you are being asked to release and surrender. Surrender is the opposite of giving up. It is freeing yourself from the desire to be in control, letting go of how you think things should be. Surrender is freedom. You are being invited to release yourself from the bondage of preconceived action, to let everything be all right as it is, so that you can live a more inspired life in the moment!

You are being asked to take action in the process of surrender and release. You are requested to die a symbolic death, to surrender your limiting beliefs. Symbolic death unveils the self by cutting away the outgrown parts of yourself that no longer serve you. In such death, ego structures fall away to reveal the garden of the true self. Look for new ways of being, new people, new ideas, and new directions that will move into the vacuum created through surrender and release. Like yeast, surrender enlivens and empowers you to experience more of life’s fullness.

Holding on to past patterns and grievances only limits the possibilities. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Let go. Surrender whatever limits you. Face whatever you are resisting. In the experience of any loss, it is never too late to complete. Through your willingness to walk in the dark forest, insights and revelations will naturally emerge.

Red Serpent represents your Challenge and Gift. With maturity and awareness this challenge will turn into a Focus. This is what you desire to learn in this lifetime.

Red Serpent represents the reptilian brain. This part of the brain thrives on routine, pattern and predictability. If you are in the shadow of Red Serpent, you may be living your life on “automatic pilot,” appearing to be separated from choices motivated by your Essence Self. Utilitze the power of Red Serpent to create spontaneity and novelty, freeing the predictability of the routine and habitual.

The shadow of Red Serpent can also be seen as adherence to cultural beliefs. One example of this is having the “right” diet, car, house, meditation practice, and so on. Another is wanting others to fit your picture of desirability or fulfill your desires, in order to create a feeling of security and self-worth. Transform these patterns. Discover your own intrinsic motives. Sense the novel choices available to you. Practice making decisions intuitively and spontaneously. You are being asked to connect instinct with essence.

Another shadow of Red Serpent is being attached to the physical body or being enmeshed in sensual desires. Perhaps you identify so much with your body and how it looks that you think your body is you. This can support the illusion of separation from your Essence Self. Work with the issues and physical desires held within your body. Step aside from your self-judgements and issues of sexual expression. Utiltize Red Serpent to fully experience sexuality in alignment with love. See the body as a sacred tool for transformation. Step aside from judging the sexual preferences and expressions of yourself and others.

Hidden in the dark recesses of this shadow are issues of sexual dysfunction, sexual harassment, rape, sexual abuse, and the fear around AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases. Red Serpent offers transformation and healing. Revealed in these shadow issues of sexuality is a desire for deeper union, love, and intimacy. Some people feel intimacy only during infatuation or romantic interludes and lovemaking; however, intimacy is the mutual connection between essences. It is the ability to acknowledge the depths of another person, and it can be fostered through many kinds of sharing, including that of feelings and vulnerabilities, warmth and affection, and hopes and fears. Explore what it means to be intimate with another, remembering that intimacy is an open door to higher state of consciousness.

The transformation offered in this shadow is found in learning to love yourself and others unconditionally.


Yellow Seed is your Compliment – something that comes naturally to you.

Yellow Seed is the ordered pattern of growth. You and your life are the fertile soil, and the mystery blooms within you through the power of your intention or seed thoughts. Just as a seed contains the hologram of its completion, the process of manifestation follows a natural order. In this gestation process, your intention is quickened by Spirit. The charged seed, your true desire or vision, becomes the focus for germination.

What can you open that will support receptivity and assist the germination of your seed intentions? Envision the seed receiving the invitation to grow in the openness of your world. Viscerally feel the possibility of your heart’s dream emerging. Your true desires and dreams contain an innate intelligence that can break through even the rigidity of fixed expectations. Planting a new seed, even in the hard soil of old belief systems, can bring unexpected magic and growth.

Be willing to break open the constraining shells of past patterns, the shackles of belief structures. Call forth your creative involvement with life. This involvement frees and awakens the powerful energy of the life force, shifting your perceptions and experience, catalyzing the manifestation of your dreams. Participate spontaneously in your growth, unrestricted by the illusion of old structures that once provided safety. Move forward into the light of new possibilities.

Offer your dream-seed to the universe. In the ordered patterning of the light, align with your heart’s greater purpose. In gratitude, surrender and release the seed to the benefit of your growth and its own pattern of perfection.

The number for Yellow Seed is four, the vibration of measure. This is the number of cycles and seasons. It represents the ordered patterning of the light wherein, as Jose Arguelles says, “form learns to generate its own seed.” The number four represents the freed pattern of form, the germination of specific seeds co-created with Spirit. If you are in the process of seeding something, meditate with the number four and the energy of Yellow Seed to assist you.


Your Tone is Tone 6 – Rhythmic

Receptivity, ability to respond, dynamic equilibrium, roots in many directions.

Six is the ray of organic balance, the dynamic equilibrium of the foundation of self combined with the one point of unity. Organic balance is an active process, not a static or fixed state. It is rooted in teh totality of who you are. Let your receptive roots run deep, grounding your ability to respond in this world. Bring your Essence Self into your present expression. Aliveness is derived from essence.

You are the unity that creats organic balance. You are free to choose, respond, give, and receive. Six asks you to respond to life with love, to bring heaven to Earth (*anacronym for Heart!) through your embodiment of the six-pointed star. Embody the Divine in your organic form. As you are infused with the vibration of heave, heaven is brought to Earth. As you journey homeward, Earth is brough to heaven. Thus is created organic balance, heaven and Earth in symbiotic union.

People have been a wonderful tool for spirit!

I uploaded the excel I wrote early this year at the begining of the intense antenna that went off in my head from spirit.

The site doesn’t include the columns so that’s dissapointing. To correctly see this you must use Microsoft Excel however you can see the general column data and how intense I spent a few days on this madness. But essentially, this is man’s existance in a nutshell.

This song frequently came on in super strong moments where the TV and I were so very much interacting with each other I totally felt the synchronicity as communication. Not only did this energy tell me that it was a “woman” but this song strongly supported all the energy and thoughts coming in my head telling me what to do, testing me and rejoicing with me that I pay attention to this greater presence. I dance so hard that night, it was like someone from inside the TV was playing songs that told me how it felt about me and I danced to the conversation. IT WAS SO WONDERFULLY CRAZY I LOVED EVERY MOMENT OF IT!

It’s kinda funny how Gold’s gym downtown got all new futuristic equipment and called it the Matrix.

The Matrix is the sub-thought behind all this stuff I have gone through and it was scary and funny and just plain weird when I saw it everywhere. I had so many metaphors like this interaction between me and spirit was like working out it’s not even funny. I remember when I was just completely possessed by spirit leading me in downtown LA I had no idea where I was going but somehow I knew where to go like I was blind but I could see anyway. Spirit lead me to a gym in the Bonadventure Hotel and lead me to a chest work out machine and stopped. By stopped I mean I knew that the antenna was down cuz my head feels funny when I’m in those moments like theres a warm spot on my head or something funny like that. The interesting part is that immediately the thought came to my head as I sat down and said “you need to work out!”. I laughed and felt helpless because I just got out of the crazy hospital and even spirit didn’t like how much weight I gained. That’s the kind of humor that presented itself as the intensity amplified my emotions. Humor came much much more and more later, but that was the first time. I totally understand how spirit introduces these gifts through the senses like fear and humor.

I see heaven in the distance. I’m ready to go right now! Very fucking awesome how you put this song on so timely that day, I must post it in thanks cuz that was SO WERID! 🙂

I will always remember how wonderful it was when the light fucked me on the street that day. It was like sex but I didn’t see anyone or touch anyone but it felt like SEX with the infinite. I know it was sex. It left me breathless. I felt you cum that day, so much color, so fast, so much control over my eyes, I felt you God. It was great and I know my place now. NO MAN can replace you, I have transcended the body.