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Monthly Archives: January 2009

I wish I knew what I was in for when I came to LA. This video was recorded just at the begining of my journey into self. Ironic isn’t it!?

I am experiencing a new sense of self-worth and acceptance… Went to the gay and lesbian center to speak with legal councel and began proceedings to start making things right. I cannot accept how much of myself I let him take from me and I won’t forget what I let him do to me because of love… I feel more confident that I can move on now… so I’m going to enjoy it now…

I lost my lover to Meth.

I fucking HATE drugs.

He’s fucking MONSTER now.



What a great fucking night dancing to Obama and my gayness! Good people do exist!

I wish I could post my blip’d video here. I’m so impressed with how well it works. This saves my sanity and my future.

I can completely see the hatred that Pedro had for himself in me.

It’s enough for me to contemplate suicide.

That means he’s already dead.

Fucking ironic that he died in my arms.

If I didn’t bring him back to life I would never be able to see how deep darkness goes.

I will force myself not to be infected by that darkness because there is no hope for light. When I see Tony and Joey, his hookups say the same exact shit that I said for 4 years then I can only see the fool in me. But this fool has bed bug marks to remind him of the hatred that is felt in that lonly desperate world he lives in. It’s discusting. Worst than any vermon that can bite me.


Please be with me to empower me with all that I have learned today. I am facing evil with love and I am confident I can use what I know and learned to “participate in magic”. Thank you for giving me the wonderous opportunity to see karma in action and for the opening of the door to my life that is my way home. I cannot believe how amazing this opportunity is to not only be a friend to Pedro but get everything I want so that I can move on with my life. Pedro is like a metaphor on such a huge level it is surely no doubt a test of will and awe. I will suggest we go to the lake shrine so we are surrounded by beauty. He needs to feel the inner beauty. I just cannot believe what I saw last night and I know this is the answer I have sought so long for to make peace with my soul.

I know I am a miracle. I know I have done and seen miracles. Tomorrow will be the greatest miracle of all, igniting Pedro’s lost soul.

I Believe,



I talked to Angelie tonight, my dearest friend who I met when I first moved here and we lost a year of time but we picked up right where we left off. I love her!!! She really has been there for me in the past, and I her, now is time to solidify our friendship forever. I cant wait to see her in SF as she is now living there too! SO MUCH FUCKING COINCIDENCES SO MUCH JOY THAT GOD GIVES ME FOR ALL THE DRAMA OF THIS LIFE IN LA.I AM SO HAPPY THIS SONG IS MINE TONIGHT!


The more I live with the magic of my struggle it appears that only God is my true love. Perhaps I have wronged him in the distant past, but I know for sure he is with me and only me. I am his Man. This is his song for me to listen to the clues to this Great Mystery of my life.