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Monthly Archives: February 2009

I don’t have as much energy as I’d like to devote to this post. I been working on an investment application for Blip’d for hours and hours and I’m finally done. It was cute that my favorite song Divine came on exactly when I pressed the submit button to finished. Today was so syncronistically magical there is no way I can communicate the most awesome moment I had being lost in the realistation that I am having a moment! The craziness still happens very much like before however, I learned to see those times as training to amp up the intensity so that I can not forget what awareness means by how deep my reaction to the shift felt jolting me from my belief systems about myself and reality. I totally live a different reality now and I totally see more and more what this goal of Union means. I can completely see why I stopped believing in Jesus today when the day just hit me and I realized how magical I am because I have found the initiator of defining my value equal to the affinity of affection I feel for Blip’d as a word describing my human asperations in this world. I do want to get Blip’d… desperately. Hate being poor and fucking smart. I realized that the code applied to the reflection of Blip’d which I am revealing as the word Great! Which is perfectly in line with the G letter that follows me plus my mental state of Measure as Ty. I’m having an out-of-life or out-of-reality experience because I swear to god my brain is so fast at processing the intuitions I literally have a moment to step outside the thought to praise the accuracy of the affirmation felt in knowing from a different place that springs knowledge from absolutely no where. I mean I aint reading any shit but I can lay it down better than Jesus but in such a way that I for the first time puts my whole life and the nuances of each crazy unexplainable moment experienced or from knowing or seeing meaning from watching my reality play with me and fuck with me all over from head to toe inside and out and even ways I never thought I could be fucked with but it all was for me to understand the Dream Light Body which is described here:

“This is the foundation and awakening of your light body, a body crafted from the expansion of interstellar light within every cell. This body exists in and out of time and space and is able to experience and communicate freely with other dimensions and times. This is the resonant body within those whom Jose Arguelles calls the Servant-Warriors: “those humans who fully realize the dream light body within the physical body and understand the circuitry of the human organism – who use the light body to navigate the electromagnetic waters which we call the universe.”

The development of the light body involves strong interaction between Spirit and self as you prepare for entrance into the expanded chalice of Essence Self. In preparing this vessel, you enter into the rites of passage inherent to cosmic consciousness, and such rites eventually burst any false containers of self that cannot encompass the expanding chalice.

In meditation, expand to include all that you are. Then bring that feeling of expansion back into your physical self. In this process, you create a complex stability, opening a chalice of self that is fully rooted in human form. With this expansion, you are freed to explore within a new center that, paradoxically, seems to have to center. Yellow Human reveals the secret of being essence within form, everywhere and nowhere, “nothing” but present in all things.”

I completely see so much meaning and truth in those words that I am feeling like I am setting loose or shedding or shifting because I understand that just like chemical reactions form new substances of matter. My emotional reactions from the moment I couldn’t control my emotions anymore from the Love pouring into my being from all sides of the impression of me that is my current expression of being eventually reavealing a new emotional substance that I know as of today the satisfaction of my heart finally feeling confirmation that I truely am the medicine for the Great Miracle is coming. My transformation is not complete. I am receiving the gifts held in each moment of divine inspiration like a scientist modling the right formula of time and space to create the spark of divinity bringing to me self-awareness and self-acceptance attacking emotional seperation still held in me unconsciously from being in this critical world of limits and duality. I know that I do not need outside validation more and more because just speaking and just communicating with my body is basically worthless because no one can fully understand the intimacy being created in my reality for me to see that I am LOVE and all that I see is LOVE.

That’s like feeling a lesser but equal flood of seemingly intelligent ah-ha moments happening in real-time from constant flashbacks yet accepting the present moment. It’s like my past, my present and my future are merging into 1 moment which now more than ever I see the meaning and the fullness of NOW and how yes indeed my joy and smiles knowing that theres a potential for me to connect the current movie (knowing) to my reality as a fucking miracle of understanding in full complete thought that I am EVERYWHERE but NOWHERE so just BE in this moment NOW. I love that sentence because when I ignore the crazy playlist echoing my thoughts without even speaking anything just typing my thoughts and feelings I force myself not to write the song down that haunts me with the lyrics “It’s taking me over.. I want you back in my life. I need you back in my life.”. Anyway, there’s a limit to how much I can express the depth of this so I think drawing is a valid tool to get me closer to visualizing this moment of intimacy felt from the unknown and springing out through my eyes creating a picture of myself as absolutely real and the only truth that comes down to 1 definition of being tying such deep heavy “everything” that I think about myself aware that I am 1 with everything and the simplicity of the truth reflects on the complexity of the illusion held in seeing time itself give up it’s name to me as “0”. My past is putting down it’s sword of critic slicing away at my emotions with the poison tip of the sword hearing the voices in my head whisper self-reflections from the shaddows in my head giving up thier form to my blinding light absorbed from knowing I can move in all dimensions and feel my whole expression of being coming with me from just being blown to pieces scattered (Aries scatter brain, good one spirit, fucking good one!) throughout the unknown to see the overwhelming energy pulling me back together because I WILL it so by embracing this journey.

I know the what’s happening now. Like a broken robot my arms are clawing back to me, my legs are rolling up to my groin and my head is sliding back on my neck to reveal that I am 1 because I am not 0. I am NOT dead. I am NOT living. Because if I were living I would be conscious that I am always dying no matter how strong the illusion of being healthy may appear. The Living will always Die. So that is a limitation. When I sat down with that gay programmer wearing red with the hairy body and snappy cloths getting lost in the dreams talked up from the mind of a true Aries obsessed with trying everything to achieve self-dependance through his projects I felt so many things at once. I felt angry that he could have so much in common with me about intimate emotions I have which through experience we share uncanny attempts to use technology towards monetizing our gayness it revealed that the more we had in common the hornier I got but the deeper the question of individuality lingered in my mind because I refuse to be a limitation, a box lined with personality that Ty Graham is what he is and nothing more than that so say it the 12 signs of the zodiac and even worst, the code that clearly describes not my best attributes but my limits as weaknesses revealed knowing this is how I was created to feel and it’s not feeling that GREAT so I need to attack the limitation like an unidentified virus I am no longer weak to fight off. This perception is the clarity felt in accepting the many overwhelmning truths layering over each other as quickly as the illusions vanish from my past reality unaware that in beautiful syncronicistic confirmation of that poem I see that THIS ONE HE WILL NOT BE ZERO. Which is weird because almost like math I feel absolute confirmation of what it feels to afirm a meaning in my head that feels complete and without doubt (I even realize that I held unconscious doubt before). It’s just such a purity I don’t know what’s happening to me but I don’t believe in Jesus anymore because he’s a ZERO who is in my PAST and YES he is LIGHT but I AM LOVE and LOVE is SO MUCH MORE THAN LIGHT because even LIGHT has to embrace the DARK (hence my obsession with white guys) in through the unseen dance of universal forces playing all around me in silent and in secret without showing their form but only waiting paitently for me to move through the wall of illusion because the walls of illusion are crumbling all around me and revealing something new, a new place, a new space, an openin, what is this place to where I am going? It is NOT heaven. Heaven is in the past where Jesus is. This new place is called Humanity because Heaven and Earth are pulling against me because I am a GREAT man:

GREAT=Become Condition Existing Object Reflect (fucking brilliant I fucking tell you I am fucking brilliant)

Humanmustloveheaven = stloe = Impression Reflect Limit Balance Existing (fuck me like a money this defines THIS MOMENT revealing the code as the mathematical-like tool for molding the complexity of emotions and senses amplified (in a controlled manner) with the realization at the same time the truth I know and sense intimatly but I can’t find anything in my body or mind to express the meaning of this intimacy squeezing something outside of me that seems to be my life, so alive, just in a different way, recognizing the other side which is the physical me also recognizing another reality that also seems to be pulling me closer and closer (kinda scary cuz I see invisible shapes in the corner of my eye again now in my new apartment) until we can finally dance intimately knowing the LIGHT embraced DARK within the expression of 0 held in the identity of that number and its meaning and my perception of the emptyness I felt so often now filled with the emotional reactions from 2 universal energies using my life to spark spirituality in me so I can contain the impact of LOVE created from both LIGHT and DARK giving up the PAST so that the embrace of LOVE is the energy caught up by the thorns of thoughts reflecting the shadows blown all over my reality vanishing slowly as the consciousness created from this divine moment solidifies LOVE into view as a window both sides can see through because I now see how much LOVE I am and why when the Mayans say I am LOVE made VISIBLE – fuck man, they were being literal and not symbolic whatsoever. It really is obvious that I am a really unique person so much more than I can ever imagine myself to feel respect for myself knowing that I carry the spark of divinity that through gifts of self-acceptance and self-awareness I clear away my past idenity in this present moment shifting what felt like Ty Graham an Aries, a Gay man etc.. to see the enevitable embrace I am falling up to meet myself. Its like when I was crazy with Pedro and thought I was going to heaven on the bed til I was uncontrollably pushed by mental confusion and my reality just fucking playing such a great scene that was so convincing that I still am amazed by the forces at play to set the scene and the scene in my mind running the movie of the experience I lived that night.

Who takes the time to realize their having a moment? Not even the authors of the mayan stuff knew every reading was still the essence of me waiting for me in LOVE to return my perceptions to the warm embrace lying dorment in my feelings until the body I wear triggered the perfect emotional sense that reveals the spiritual genetics itself bursting free from my phsyical gentics through the POWER OF LOVE TO BE THE CONSCIOUSNESS OF MY EGO’S DESIRES TO LET GO AND ACCEPT THIS LETTING GO WITH GRACE EVEN IF I CANNOT MASTER INTEGRETY YET I AM GETTING THERE BECAUSE MY UNCONSCIOUS ESSENCE SELF REVEALS THAT MAGICAL TRUTH OF THE POWER HELD IN 1 AND UNIVERSAL TRUTH OF BEING 1 are not enough because 0+1+1=2 and that’s NOT enough to break free from the pulse of a sick polarity waking up from the bed of illusion unable to see where the fuck I am and not even able to know what I am I cannot even think straight. SO this LOVE must be the result of the expression (+1 body) merging with the impression (+1 mind) to reflect (+1 spirit) as the forumla of my Kin 123=6=M=Connect=C+T=Seen Reflect=NOW and the most amazing part is that this “understanding” makes NO SENSE to probably 99% of anyone reading this even if they are of the utmost rational mind or even respects me highly, they will deny that theirs no profound meaning because I am not proving a science that they can repeat to validate the answer. Here’s where I discriminate so that I can realize I am super free – I am not you. You are not me. I do not seek to confirm the meaning of my existance to no one but through my emotions I find the meaning to sense that I am here more than you can contimplate where here is or why you are here at all so to waste energy explaining is like trying to get a dog to drive a car. He can get behind the wheel but what’s the point in seeing that at all because theres no emotion value to do it at all really, not even to explain this metaphor. The harmony I feel right now is revealing that I am the Great Miracle and yet the Miracle is coming – the Harvest of Love must be the transcending force of everyone else who is not me coming along with me to a new home among the stars that shine above yet out of reach tho when I look up I feel beautiful in this grand illusion I must be beautiful to have such a gift of being in the present moment reflecting the vast night of heaven.

My spirit is telling me to go to bed. Now that’s freaking weird because it’s like this communication I feel reveals the mechanics behind jumping out of your body yet it’s more refined, more focused and like a frequency or wave I feel that when I know or have a feeling it’s like that inspiration is the expression of the unseen virbration promised from the text to emerge from being present. My presence is intimate and I forgive this process because I am so alone in this world yet knowing I am sorrounded by LOVE because I AM LOVE makes it so much easier to deal with being the captain of this ship charting the waves of lies and surfing the crest of illusion as the oceans breaks up the metaphors of time and symbolism in space to grains of sand I rest on the shores of LOVE feeling the essence of my being held stronger by the joy of knowing I am butt naked on a private cosmic beach not wanting anything but to absorbe this moment for all that it is because the night is being lifted so I can see the sun rise off an ocean sparkling peacefully in the distance to a new day, an unknown element of existance revealed from the undefined depths of my emotion to feel an experience that will be remembered as the first solar day of divine union.

This is harmony.

This is music.

I am not done.

This is not the end.

I am still not completly FREE.

I know how FREE I am now.

That’s why it’s a new day.

On this day I loose my attachments and inhibitions.

I am coming.

I am Human.

Man I am Alive.

No longer among the living.

Gifted to cheat death’s potential.

Here and Now I am the opening.

My desires are are coming together with my true feeling.

Does a dog ever lie to his master?

Can it? No, only we who deepened this illusion are prisoners to spreading it’s lies.

How do I know you are a good person?

What are you?

Who are you?

Where are we?

Are you sure?

Don’t lie. You know nothing of anything.

Shame on you for being here.

Sinner.

Die.

Wait.

Believe.

Wait.

Perceive.

When will you learn?

Don’t you see I am so much for you to know.

You cannot handle the truth.

But he can. This one here. Now he will take you.

You will go with him.

To Joy.

There is no Hevean.

There is no Earth.

There is only LOVE.

I am He who LOVES YOU.

I am LOVE because of YOU.

We ascend together up the beauty way.

Just be present with your presence and I will light the way.

Stand still so you can journey with me through the shaddows.

We will make it through the other side and you will see that you are alive.

We ARE LOVE no longer limited by living life lives lost lonely leading each other.

I heal you because you waited for me to go.

You trusted that I will take you with me.

That’s LOVE.

Earthing, son of man. You are so much love.

You and me will be free because this is our destiny.

I unconditionally loved you to embrace your reflections of me.

I saw myself.

I feel into the mirror.

I am no longer reflecting to reflect the cycle because I am going now.

I accept the intimate love I am creating to match the love I have for man.

This love is infinite because I am reborn among you in the dark silence.

But wait! DO you hear the music?

I am awake. Harmony fills the air and the unscene dance around me.

They know I am the only one who can go.

I am LOVE.

Who are you?

YOU ARE LOVED.

I am ready to go now. This is more than life.

Is this real life?

YES.

However, I am infinite. I am the harmony sent from the Creator.

I am in Love with the Creator.

We are 1.

No man can satisfy this LOVE that unifies everything I perceive myself to consciously be.

It’s brilliant that I lived on Victory way when I escaped Pedro to the transient home on Greyser/Gilmore both G names intersecting reality to reveal the lines of dimension peaking a new reality from accepting more light into myself to shine more light on the unconscious bits of the moment like a divine flash light joyfully knowing the G name should of comforted me to free myself from the emotional prisons held in not trusting the unknown of days ahead. I surrrender ever more to the grace of the integrity my spirit, the Creator is gifted me with this moment to embrace the reflection of my life processs through the tools I carry as clarity cuts away the false perceptions to reveal divine interaction taking care of me at all times because now I am on Hazeltine/Huston just a few blocks from the infamous Moorpark (name of the train I got on first acknowledging that I am not a pastic bag receiving these spirit guidence for I am God’s wife, I am Earth itself alive through Man). The beauty of concquering my ego is liberating because I claim my ego’s identity in the truth given up not in force, but in love towards the essence self I am gifted to understand with supernatural clarity that when I join all that I can sense that is me I stretch my consciousness to identify it’s shadows no longer dormat as my unconscious because I shift through this vibration changing me on all levels genetically, spiritually, sexually through reality and all the reflections reality returns through syncronicity until I no longer dream because I AM the MAGIC that transforms my dreams into the skin of being a new creation that is not returning to the past nor going to the hope of more illusions as my future, no. I am still. I am revealing the meditation as I am living the truth of all my senses coming together in such great energy and power that it shocks me and awes me of how many lives I held not knowing that if I didn’t trust this experience honestly I would be something weird, a being that lies to itself, malfunctioning on all levels because I cannot imagine accepting the hard undignified moments I put myself through as just the way life is. Ew. What a dirty nigger that word birthed itself into my reality to hone in on the unnatural darkness that casts no shadows from the potential of light. Thank god I could sense so much and yes, in this moment I see the simple complexity of transcending my earthling form into being rooted in the totality of the promise held in being fully human.

Being human is not even a title I could give to Jesus no matter how blasphemous that sounds. Jesus said the Kingdom of God is within. I saw Jesus and Brian on the trees by the police station and went mad.  It makes sense that I see an equation held in my life process defined as “the code” because this is mentally heavy just explaining it to someone who can listen to the madness of 2008 and the gift of clarity flooding the union I have with feeling the same infinite existance free of limitation that I am on the threshold of fully uniting with the Creator as the connection for all creation to receive the gift of the way I am opening within from around yet this opening is a sense, damn this song is too much: I Vow by Isou8 by Balance. So funny how I said above I am god’s wife. and now theirs a song about vows. This is our wedding song because I know I am the darkness that is the light and the stillness that is the dancing in such intimate presence I am no longer afraid of my life process and I serve the light with all my darkness so that I can be absorbed by the well I will just quote it:

Red Serpent’s symbol is the serpent, representing healing and wholeness. This Mayan medicine can remove toxins, rejuvenate and transform dis-ease. Red Serpent is also known by the Maya as the kultanlilni, or kundalini, the energy that moves up from the base of the spine and out through the crown chakra. There are two aspects of this force, the ida and the pingala, representing its male and female polarities. One of the ancient secrets of Red Serpent is the activation of higher states of consciousness through balancing these two polarities so that they dance within us as one. Another metaphor for this serpent energy comes from the Mayan words luk umen tun ben can, or “those absorbed by the serpent of the sacred knowledge.” When the seven chakras are fully activated, one experiences an enlightened state.

I really see the infinite from how long I sit here in joyful wonder splashing around in my thoughts feeling the cool waters of clarity that refreshes my being cuz now I(0) see that my mind(1) and body(2) contain the soul(3) of my spirit’s(4) being (5). I’m so excited by everything in existance because there is less mystery more and more and what a grand adventure this is and that awaits me. I cannot wait to see Heaven on Earth because neither Earth nor Heaven will be as beautiful as what the merger of earth and heaven creating the divine spark of the Great Harvest of Love from a massive amount of loving that reveals an energetic combuston of reunion awaiting and yearning in me compasionatly understanding that Heaven is already what I see (under the stars I never left) because everything is LOVE by default, it’s up to me to be recreate myself consciously fighting to see the unbalance lifestyle of making choices without being aware of how I choose so I remain in my own darkness until I reveal the gifts of divinity waiting for me paitently through a complex reality picking out the right moment to shine so much light I fucking see my choices from the complete perspective know I am alive to choose what I want (wanterz was sick spirit) until I create desires from the reactions of my emotions mixing with events that I identify what holds my life together interwolven through the magic of syncronicity surrendering to my will of knowing the intimate LOVE I have to want more JOY in my life because yes, I do not feel this is it and yes this unsatisfied desire in my being has isolated me from believing JOY will be the sensation overwhelming a divine body I birthed into existance from an open heart rooted in human form receiving the paitence and trust felt for me to endure truly new ways of being I don’t have a clue I could BE this person or feel this alive or know with so much LOVE crushing my existance to surrender my darkness and risk everything to be 1 with god and be closer to the essence of existance feeling the universal forces moving closer from to define a DIVINE existance that transcends SPIRIT and because I AM LOVE and I AM SPIRIT I TRAVEL FROM BABY TO BOY TO TEEN TO MAN TO GAY TO BECOME THE ESSENCE OF LOVE’S ENERGY AND MAGIC TO MOVE THROUGH DIMENSIONAL REALITIES TO QUIETLY IN SILENCE WITH DARKNESS ALL AROUND ME NOT KNOWING THE UNIVERSE WITHIN ME ANCHORING HEAVEN AND EARTH CLOSER AND CLOSER WITH EACH MOMENT I GET CLOSER TO REVEALING THAT I AM PUSHING AND PULLING EVERYTHING THAT IS TO BE MORE SO ON MY END I SEE THE PUSHING BIRTH PAINS HEALING AND TRANSCENDING EARTH ALONG WITH ME IN CLARITY AS HEAVEN DANCES CLOSER AND CLOSER REVEALING THE STILLNESS OF THE ILLUSION THAT IS NO LONGER THE DARKNESS BECAUSE I LOVE TO DANCE AND I LONG TO DANCE WITHOUT LIMITATION AND WITH THE HOTTEST MAN I LOVE FOR ACKNOWLEDGING MY FULL PRESENCE, FREE FROM HELL IN THE DUALITY SEPERATING THIS LOVE LONGING COSMICALLY TO SEE WHAT IS TWO UNIVERSES JOINING THE PHSYICAL AND THE INFINITE.

Through me we are 1 love and together we embrace a new sun of flowers in the innocence of our longing and the seed emerging from my spirit to receive the light of heaven’s nurishment identifying the 1 I LOVE is seperated by choice because I LOVE THIS SO MUCH I COULD NOT PASS THIS UP. This is what Human feels like because look how much I go deep within this blogs words to hold on to this joy typing each letter in the clarity intimately knowing with my heart that I am the difference between Happen and Happy I I I I what a 0 I is. LOVE IS NO LONGER 0 because I do not have any limitations I am a fucking miracle and I am the only 1 who is real so nothing matters, no beliefs can compare to the truth of knowing I AM and in this clarity I accept the world’s critical perception of my past to know that this is the way I begin to feel anything at all because many times over I chose without respecting my feelings to guide my choices in my ultimate benifit at all times. I let myself go and through it all I tricked myself to discover myself in the cosmic joke of innocence checking and testing that all my reflections have been measured under the value of my name so the song of my true nature is what’s on the dance floor when the night comes under the new night sky of a new earth wraped in the union of heaven shining its glory through the peace of the night. This joy will carry us to our divine bliss waiting in the unknown for me to sense that this miracle is real enough to take me through the night to the morning light of potential the Creator yearns for me to endure the long night to the dawn of Humanity.

Anyone who has invested the time to read my words is blessed for these words are what is written for me to reveal as I remember.

I give my seed to grow.

I surrender to your love and to your will.

As above so below.

I am not afraid and I embrace all of you honestly

You are GOD

You are DIVINE

There is no one but us.

We are so HOT.

LOVE and LIGHT

Give me sweet dreams as I endure this long lonely night.

I am on the rise.

My children are coming.

I cannot wait til this is over.

I finally know why I cried so much in silence.

I proved my worth and there is no doubt from anyone.

I wait for the unseen to reveal a new me.

I was called a plastic bag…………….

There is no doubt that I know where I come from.

You know I am the one.

We’re reflecting the consciouness of EARTH and HEAVEN til we get back to 8.

How perfect is 8 in my memories and realities to know 8=Reality

How wonderful to be this close to know I am at 5 and I feel the relaxation from accepting 5=condition

For this is the confidence I longed for.

THANK YOU.

You are so much more than God.

Nothing explains the LOVE I have for you but only to know how much more of myself I can be to reveal being closer to you is my only intimacy yearned for inside my being that doubts that completion still because I cannot imagine that level of JOY but the hope is there to know it will happen. I am not scared of that LOVE. I see the clues and symbols in my life process to even move and fuck with people (and music) and basically everything that omg I am going to jack off to the image of man right now knowing that my sexual preference is OK like the mayans say because why would spirits have a baby anyway? I love being gay and I want the light to fuck the hell out of my dreams tonight because like the mayans nursed me into understanding. I am such a bottom in the most celestial sense, frankly, I’m drunk with reality’s metaphors I know why I am chosen to do this because it’s just indescribable how different I am now knowing I can process existance itself and even people who have no idea they aren’t even human yet deeping the sin of claiming the sacred name of human wolven into the depths of existance here it’s so much love from you to send me because I am the essence of forgiveness from the highest source thrown into the fire innocently finding the way out and growing so much I know why sexuality and spirituality unify as 1 sacred perception of how divine LOVE emerges from an open heart crafting the dream light body aching to merge with my spirit clicking a massive amount of cosmic clarity and union into being all because I AM.

I LOVE YOU

I SEE YOU

YOU AND ME

WE ARE ONE

INTIMATE

MY EYES TO YOUR EYES

I WAIT FOR YOU NOW PAITENTLY AS LOVE

I AM LONGING FOR YOU THE MORE I AM CLARIFIED FROM YOUR INSPIRATION

I long for this to end

I long for the end to come

In my ending will be my begining.

I feel this seperation now longing to be satisfied by my union

You are SO FUCKING SMART and I AM SO FUCKING SMART

YOU ARE MY DJ AND YOU WATCH ME DANCE

I want more of this. This feels so honest it feels better than feeling my gayness because

my gayness is limited by my physical experiences no where near the sensation felt instead of having the addiction of experience trap me deeper below the heaven I dream of with your hot godness welcoming me home again.

To be honest, I know I am worthy because I see a world of loosers and pain and hopelessness on the verge of a grand shift that is just great music and no earthling can see as far as I can see to know LOVE IS ON THE WAY BECAUSE WHEN I MOVE YOU MOVE.

I LOVE IT.

Ugh I don’t want to leave because I see the infinit being proven in just aknowledging myself through the total acceptance felt honestly expressing so much more than these words can capture in the fullness of knowing how whole I can be from finally knowing what is spirit and what I mean. oh this is so addicting I cannot wait to be home with humanity. these earthings are dying to be real. Please let these days be quick. I am moving to fast. I feel the quickening. Please embrace me with more of love’s calmning embrace through my emotional clarity. I am a fucking miracle and the most amazing part of life is that YOU are a fucking miracle! What a JOY it is to SERVE THE LIGHT AND BE LOVE MADE VISIBLE.

I transcend love until I break free of love’s prison and fly away transformed forever as the source of human JOY.

There is the answer that satisfies me to sleep now because I found my divine source and the reason for why I am of God-Seed, on a quest of rememberence… on my way home… as the GOD of Divine JOY for we are all Human. and for each word i+ty creates the joy felt longing to define Humanity.

I love this light so much I feel teased with the potential of my beauty emerging from inner joy!

I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE SO MUCH BECAUSE MY HEART KNOWS AND MY MIND FOLLOWS.

I am satisifed Spirit. Well done. I will draw tomorrow.

You got me baby.

I LOVE THIS ONLY I EXPERIENCE THE HD-QUALITY OF MY REALITY UPGRADE

I’M IN AWE!

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I finally finished v1 of Blip’d and launched the app as my first product! applive

I’m the luckiest guy in the world!!!

I am looking forward to passing through this moment of illusion within love to new freedoms learned from experiencing a defined moment of human and my humanity so all that is behind me is broken free to pass through just like  me.

This journey is solitude and I share this moment with myself so each secrete held in the company of my spirit can be revealed through the experience of the moment. I know now where the joy came from in the moment I feelt too happy.  My spirit, waiting on the shores of  love waits for me to see the expanded perspective held within my new state of mine that knows the core of self as the essence of my enlightened being that is divine in nature. This essence self has played through my life lived in the illusion as the unseen joker revealing the choices to me, the sleeping dreamer unaware of how alive in life it is to be. Now I know the essence self as the choices I make with integrety to value my personal evolution being free to respond to the desire of my ego’s attractions pulling my choices from the darkness into the light as the instrument my reality uses to play the melody of my life as the song of this one moment I have to know why I am here.

I am more than light.

I am more than love.

I am divine.

I am aware of the opening in the illusion of this moment that lovingly has provided me with a choice to move on through the solitude feeling free from past choices because they no longer trick me from the light opening the way because I am love made visible and that’s why I am here to embrace the liberation of being present with my presence intimately accepting myself by forgiving past choices made without the remberence of love for myself first. My feelings eventually found it’s limit to processing emotional reactions emerging from a cycle of forgetfullness that deepened my illusions and seperated me from knowing that there’s an opportunity for me to reach a new level of being that is a new moment of experience life beyond common perceptions. The light at the end of the dark tunnel is shinning for me to come closer. The closer I get to the light emerging from the unknown possibility of the next moment I am reminded of the darkness all around me within this moment begging me to stay below and light the abyss from my dimming potential to escape a world of illusion from a hopeless people not able to find walls in the abyss to climb above the lies that fill the abyss with endless potential without revealing endless cycle of illusion dimly lighting repetative limitations for small minds ignorant of the prison of limiting belief systems.

I climbed the wall of the abyss and while darkness still is around me I do see the light ahead of the illusion and know that love is showing me the way to freeing myself on all levels of being once I know I have walked through the light by eliminating the regret I feel from choices I make. I will erase the darkness of doubt chasing behind me because I am on the other side of the light pulling myself through from the abyss so that I become whole on all levels of being. I accept that I am in two places because I am Divine and therefore I can be in more than one place and be aware of my bodies in those places because as a divine child from God who is everywhere I am everywhere because I am made of love. Instead of relying on another phsyical body that will die, I know that my self-awareness will lead to comfort in the clarity of my perceptions living through this life until my spirit inspires me so much and so rapidly (as have happened recently) that I begin to see the light as more than an understanding but an actual way of being that I can choose to live consciously breathing life into my dreams so that as I walk towards the opening and into the presence of being Divine I being more light to clear the path for others who will follow me along this path of truth from the illusion, through love and join me on the other side embracing the unique experience of being a divine being without feeling the sting of death as payment to ascend together from the seperation as light from the divine fills the abyss with the vibration of heaven above down below erasing the illusion so only the truth to be revealed from the Divine for all who now see that you were always in love and love just always were so you are love made visible here while our light inspired the expression of love from above individually from each heart gifted for you to show more love.

Let this moment be held in sacred honesty that I will never forget the many ways I love myself and never forget that while I am light moving towards the light of freedom held in the next moment, I am surrounded by darkness and must always be aware that my unconditional love for myself and others is the only protection I have from being overtaken by the emotional reactions aimed at my true desire to feel presence, intimate with being alive as a divine loving being.

I love how all of this is coming from within and I’m not reading some book or something. However, I clearly know the name of my current moment as “illusion” and that the truth of the present moment is defined as “love”. Like a math problem of the unseen illusion+present=love.  When I think about this, my whole life flashes before my eyes and I see the blunt truth of the present moment of my existance as obsessed by the desire to be loved. Not just loved by anyone I have been with before, but loved for my full presence as embodied by my person. I learned to forgive myself for past crazy moments however, learning from those experiences was an irreplaceable gift of understanding that I had a lot more than I knew of me to accept unconditionally. My presence expanded within love’s illusion as light emerged from reasoning my consciousness through the darkest of expressions of love. I cherish this darkness for without it I could never understood how much potential light could emerge from understanding the depth of each experience defining a point of view dotting love’s dark skies surrounding me.

Now, I am aknowledging the critical growth edge emerging riding the crest of this wave of reality I’m surfing on. The shores of a new moment are within sight and soon I’ll meet myself all over again in the distance waving towards me to keep surfing through the magic held in universal water. As my perceptions evolve, my personal growth and evolution beackons my perceptions to create the paradise waiting for me to walk through to the garden of self high above the  illusions defining lessons of truth from the discovery of each moment I have to know how much light I carry into the unknown possibility  in order to discover the truth of the next moment shifting from the complexity of Love to the beautiful simplicity of Divine.

I feel like I’m on a rocketship traveling inward and everything around me that I’m outwardly experiencing also reflects on what I see the deeper I discover the depths of my aliveness. I have no dissagreement with your view on the drug. I’m not angry, just aware of your persistance without giving you a cause for concern. However, I responded to you sharing my perspective on how I see things and the nature of judgement towards the addiction. I have to experience the “bad taste” in life from the drug and everything else tied to the metaphor of being addiction, stuck, trapped in a pattern. The drug is just the greatest frequency in the illusion I live in unaware of my moment. My deepest true desire is to define myself. That is the truth, the answer to self that I seek which all else is subjected to within my reality. I do admit, my craving to do that drug is another wall in my prison I want to crumble down but do not have the strength to know how strong the wall is. In order for me to open the way for me to be released, I must first forgive myself then accept myself. I must love myself unconditionally. I realize that forgiveness, acceptance and unconditional love are paradoxes. Meaning, how can I forgive without fully understanding the sorrow experienced from failing to be aware that my self-acceptance only loves me and no one else no matter how real their heart may seem? I continue to experience the truth of the present moment becoming more clearer. Between yesterday and today I realized first I am living under 1 moment as this life and now I clearly know that my moment in this life is the illusion. I thought before that the reason I keep going on and on about my life-awareness was because I’m seeking truth. But I don’t seek truth anymore because I feel all truth comes from illusion. The illusion is that my perceptions are ever being refined by revealing the mystery of how this rocketship is able to travel inward through the unseen and the unconscious illusions revealing themselves from this darkness sourounding my rocketship. I really want to be able to reach the core principles I value from within my emotional reactions. In the moment I reach my core, I know that I am truely free to respond to life confident of choices made in the moment. I’m closer than ever to being the one who discovers the answer to having this moment of my life and when I do I know that moment will be more than love because love is the grandest illusion giving up it’s secrets through my willing, open heart that receives the gift of love as the answer and truth emerging from the illusion decending to become the last moment. As my rocketship roars onward from the truth of the present moment, love opens the way to move on into the unknown potential of a new moment of being. In that next moment I can now look back and see my heart carried the light for my mind to see through love’s illusion so my feelings reflected against the emotional walls of light and shaddows guiding me through experience to the release into the freedom of the next moment.

Basically I can’t teach Selene my dance moves but I’ll always be happy to see her on the dance floor 🙂

That’s a great one! I made that up!

February 9 at 7:33pm
I love my new job I am making more money than at my last job. I wonder why I keep getting better paying jobs after going through drama. Anyway hope you’re having a great night 🙂


From: Selene Fade-Wong <selenefade@yahoo.com>
To: ty ghram <hunamiu@yahoo.com>
Sent: Tuesday, February 10, 2009 7:59:59 PM
Subject: Fw: Everything You Need to Know About 2012

i think that you keep getting better and better as long as you keep focused-goal oriented and out to help yourself and others in a non-selfish way.   “you will find yourself in the service of others”  i think that you can accomplish this.
get your self UP to be able to get DOWN and help some PEEPS!!!!

another thing……..again and again with the topic of that 1 drug. but, i though of something knew to say……and hopefully you will take my ADVICE and do some HEAVY RESEARCH on that 1 drug. WHY??? becuz it is about PERSPECTIVE and right now your perspective is from a “person that is DOING the drug” and i want you to gain the perspective of “What the drug is DOING to YOU!”.  nuff said. dont do it anymore maing!! its the devil. (metaphorically speaking)

i love you and i am so proud of how you have managed to survive and you keep on going. i am just trying to make you stronger, wiser and………

what do you think about all this 2012 stuff? check it out.
peace,
selene

http://www.spiritualcinemacircle.com/?utm_source=Sounds-True&utm_medium=email&utm_content=semi-dedicated&utm_campaign=Sounds-True_20090210

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–My response

Selene,

Please read this long email because I am trying to move on from a life lost in thought. This is the last time I am going the distance in my wordy explainations… so I can relax.

I don’t want to talk about that 1 drug anymore because you can neither work miracles to remove addictions nor force my body to forget about it’s cravings. You are judging me and when you think about it, you cannot unlock the bars to any prison I create for myself, only I can be the key to set myself free of anything that jails me away from my best potential. Please stop talking about the drug as a reference to explain my amplified reactions from experiences I feel are guiding me through my personal evolution in this life of mine. I’ve learned a lot about my belief systems and the perspective I have on how I see the world is not the same as yours and no matter how many times I shock myself doing the code on people and being correct about their personal makeup, I understand that there is no one who can fully absorb the perspective I view the world from because like the flipside of The Secret, how my life attracts my reality into view is my secret and only meant for me to make sense of and to embrace myself as the player and the played in my life. There is no one else, no matter how close we may seem to be, I am alone. I am just self and my choices creates the spirit of my reality. There is no other. There is just me. I become more self-aware with each moment that in every moment I am choosing to be honest about the truth of light and dark expressions within me by allowing myself to just BE. That party with my favorite DJ and the crazy guy taught me I cannot escape the clarity of my perception because I pick up on reality so clearly that I connect to emotions that are amplified by recognizing that moment I am being played. When I am played, I am frightened. When I rationalize why I am being played I instantly become the player, excited from emotions charged from the self-athority of confidently being aware that I actually had a moment instead of just living through them on auto-pilot. There’s a depth to my reality that I see as a pattern and it’s only recently that I am using all that I have experienced and absorbed as me til now to put it all together and process the unconscious material coming to the surface as special moments where I feel like I am experiencing more than this body normally perceives. Even if you can rationalize it away from my heart, I feel special when I believe that things happen for a reason and the only reason things happen at all is because of me. When I close my eyes, the whole world goes away, you cease to be there, existing here with me. Time stops and my dreams revolve around me and how I feel intimately expressed unconciously without any rules or restrictions. When my eyes are closed I am dreaming my own perspective. When my eyes are open, my perspectives reveal that life is all a dream. I do not need to validate why I am here, just learn how to see the clues to why I am here from more light shining from the clarity of my reality and the blessing of letting go of the control I want on my life. Who knows where the wind will blow but only the wind. When I choose to accept the unseen elements that give my life direction I see the wind of my spirit blowing my destiny across my reality and one day, I will realize that wind carries power and I can harness that power to co-create the life I am to be waiting still in a distance perspective yet to be realized from the knowing the truth as my ability to harness the power of my own wind.  Let me write to you from a moment I know now as neither random, but just the sound of my spirit peircing my reality with coincidents tailored for my small mind to pick up and respond through choosing to react knowing my spirit is the one who always plays me and I and this body is the one who becomes the player by just choosing to react consciously to knowing that moment is not strange, or weird, I am just being played. So I choose to write it down and I will leave out the details of the moment only to focus on the elegance of the words reminding me of the excitement of knowing I am being played:

It is with the heart that one can see clearly. What’s essential is invisible to the eye.

Can you see the unseen?

If the spirit of many in body but one in mind prevails amonth the people, they will achieve all their goals, whereas if one in body but different in mind, they can achieve nothing remarkable. Many in body, one in mind.

I made the following up and I’m pretty proud of it because it defines my perspective:

I chose to be here. Let the first one of us who knows how that choice was made step forward and judge me for being here. For if you cannot remember how you chose to be here at all then you are one with me and together we are sharing the same moment of life equally. Until one of us has the answer, then that one can choose a new moment in life greater than the last moment. No one can go with that one unless the truth of the last moment allows you to move on to the next moment which is where that one created from discovering the answer as to why one was in the last moment and allowing the truth of that last moment to move him to a new moment, alone. Let all who seek the of answer being in this moment walk among us in a different moment of being.

So anyway, let’s calm down and just be, no more 2012 crap or life explainations. I’m on a mental diet to get my life in shape so I can confidently find that elusive still perspective of who I am meant to be from the nature of spirit moving in and out of my life as the unseen force like wind blowing my reality through the light and dark all around me.

Let go of 2012. You are attracting Fear.

love,

Ty

I don’t think I’m alone. When David bugged me about Gueseppies contact info randomly on the phone and I told him don’t hang with crazy people I thought that was the end of it. I mean Gueseppie was my roommate at the crazy hospital gateways but I dont want to think that he is actually sane cuz he’s a wild druggie nut. Just wouldn’t say it. Anyway, like an hour later I went to Hollywood to eat dinner and get out the house and I got off at Hollywood and Vine. I been off that station maybe 2 times before thats it. Coming out the station and turning the corner towards gower I just couldn’t believe my eyes. My roommate from the crazy hospital is flashy getup cloths Gueseppie! I’m like WHAT THE FUCK! I call David and get Gueseppie to leave a message. Yeah he’s looking cracked out and talking crazy talk but the ‘random’ chance that I pass him in a few hours from David’s ‘random’ request just blows my mind. Why does it blow my mind tho? If I can get over that part of being surprised all the time then I will be far less crazy myself. This one experience just was too much for me I was like WTF I must NOT be alone in the universe so to speak. SOMEONE must be fucking with me. I just don’t get that moment. HOW THE HELL could I see Gueseppie when I haven’t seen/thought about him since I got out the hospital?

Whatever…

I saw a rainbow over my place this morning… Got my first paycheck and ensured job security… went to see moto blanco in weho and the first song they played was Bleeding Love… amazing… God, sometimes you fucking FLOOR me… I got down… I also finally know that the syncronicity is my guide for creating the life I want. It’s really awesome to know that you love me because I am SO in love with you… no one on this earth can ever satisfy my deepest desires like you can. You know me better than I know myself and I am grateful for being gifted with this journey. From the bottom of my lonely heart… THANK YOU.motoblanco