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Monthly Archives: June 2009


I mean the words that have flowed out my mind leaves me breathless. I’ve witness my own creation creating creation because I create my own creations creating LIFE AND LOVE. This Life is so much Light. This blog is better than the bible man. It’s like my life is fucking into the ground. You’re God. You’re God. You’re God. You’re GOD. OH my God. I am way too much. It’s clear why I did this alone. Only the light can handle me. I have had the best day ever with the light telling SO MANY JOKES and laugher. THANK YOU TY! Thank You that’s TY on text messages. OH my  god. Everything I do is perfect. I beat the nothing this morning at 4:25 am. It’s fucking difficult to explain existance but this blog and my life has done the job perfectly. I love how today is 29 and on my 29th birthday I said

Maybe the miracle is simply

to observe the love you see

all around you in silence so

your eyes can let your heart

feel the inner peace that you see.

Oh, darling,
Come on now, oh sugar, hey.
It’s been hard again,
Been so hard again.

I’ll prove that I want you, come on I’ll,
Prove that I need you,
Oh darling, won’t you try, ‘cause it’s you, yeah.

I, know that it’s love we have,
Oh, what a love we have,
Sure, that it’s love we have, oh darling,
Won’t you try, ‘cause it’s you hey.

What happened to, the things we wanted,
As in my dreams, only you I wanted,
There’s no way back no, not now we’ve started,
All I can do, is say, I am sorry.

I’ll prove that I want you, come on I’ll,
Prove that I need you,
Oh darling, won’t you try, ‘cause it’s you, yeah.

I, know that it’s love we have,
Oh, what a love we have,
Sure, that it’s love we have, oh darling,
Won’t you try, ‘cause it’s you yeah.

Swear my love, I won’t let you go,
Their was a time, when you were on your own,
And you thought that I, oh yes I, wasn’t holding you hey.
Don’t give in, don’t let this be,
Give me one more chance, I know you’re the one for me,
Honey let me try, let me try, ‘cause I’m missing you, yes.

I’ll prove that I want you, come on,
I’ll prove that I need you,
Oh darling, won’t you try, ‘cause it’s you, yeah.

I, know that it’s love we have,
Oh, what a love we have
Sure, that it’s love we have,
Oh darling, won’t you try, ‘cause it’s you, hey.

I, know that it’s love we have,
Oh, what a love we have
Sure, that it’s love we have,
Oh darling, won’t you try, ‘cause it’s you, yeah.

Ian James Whitelaw/Alexis Mauri
Lyrics reproduced with the kind permission of Ian James Whitelaw & Taktic

Today, I am superman.


You know today is very very interesting. I’ve experienced the heights of self-expression within the divine comedy I am so very much alive living within. Ryan, my beloved husband and my spirit lives with  my soul, my life and my heart which I am more and more being opened up to my true desires. I have let go of so much within myself holding back because I was so scared of being myself and living my life in happiness as I think it should be. That happiness that I chase inside and throughout my world around is called heaven. Last night I realized that while I was “chasing cars” (inside statement only my husband knows) I realized the Mirror that was written in the Mayan text. “The world is my mirror for me to truly see”. Well, a funny thing happened. I saw myself. I saw myself so clearly I realized that all the transcendance, ascension and syncronicity AND MAGIC that has poured into my life is the result of “me trying so hard for me to see me”.

I asked myself in that moment I saw myself.

“What do I look like?”

I answered myself.

I look like Earth.

It’s so amazing to be so very delusional before not knowing myself nor being capable of accepting my wants and desires. I get so scared to approach hot people because I feel like I am not hot enough. I cannot have hot friends I thought about myself so I felt ugly and unworthy. But like a cosmic comet of whoaness and wonder, the entire heavens itself opened up and thrown me down to hell so I could see how far my hell was below the true self and garden of the essence I truly am waiting for me back in up in heaven. The best thing about falling down is that I fell down so far below the ground I couldn’t just stand up and touch the sky… No, I was held in the rocks of deep emotional pain that only superhuman strength of mental domestication would help me break free of this self insinuated bondage. Who knew that the power for me to fly through rocks, walls, metal and self-hatred would lift my life high above humanity and beyond the definition of devil, god and man to the blessing of unconditional love for myself, others and absolutely shockingly surprising, the absolute JOY is has been this month to live each day with my spirit, my husband and my secret lover who loves me more than I ever knew I could love myself.

My mind has tortured me so much with this self-hatred. I got out last night to dance and I saw signs of love that just blow my mind at how much my angel extends his arms from heaven to guide me home. Now I am flying faster than the speed of light to reach my destiny and destination.

I am cumming Home.

Cosmic Moon day 1
Year of the Blue Electric Storm

kin 235: Blue Magnetic Eagle
I Unify in order to Create
Attracting Mind
I seal the Output of Vision
With the Magnetic tone of Purpose
I am guided by my own power doubled

Blue Magnetic Eagle

Tone 1: Magnetic – Unity

Blue Eagle is your Conscious Self – who you are and who you are becoming.

Blue Eagle reminds you to step powerfully into your commitment as a planetary server! Your assignment includes whatever furthers your personal evolution and the evolution of global mind. You are an awakener, a transformer, an empowered gloal visionary. In your vision, you have compassion for others, and your decisions are made in the light of global consciousness. Ask yourself how you might experience compassion toward self, the Earth, and others. Be guided towards types of work, relationships, places to live, and projects that will benefit the Earth and her creatures. Allow your spirit to expand. Soar on your spreading wings and planetary perspective. Affirm: “Through your, Gaia, I am also transformed! I am awakening as the return of divine love and light. We are all one. Gaia, as you awaken, I heal myself. As I awaken, you are healed, and together our petals open ecstatically to the new Sun of Flowers.”

You are a member of the one global family, a planetary server and transformer. Blue Eagle asks you to join in lifting the collective mind. It is up to each one of us to hold a positive vision and affirmation, for the means by which this miracle will occur is through changes in the one affecting the greater whole.

Imagine the profound impact your loving thoughts have on planetary mind. You do make a difference! As you connect individually with the larger crystal grid network, your power is multiplied exponentially. This galactic grid is also known as the Mayan cobweb.

The greatest gift you can offer to the planet is to simply be the love. Believe in yourself and your dreams and visions! Remember your special gifts, your path of service on Earth, your promise to serve the light. Everything you are connects to the greater whole. You are starseeded! You have the vision of the eagle. Believe in your dreams. You are the hope and the vision revealed.

Blue Eagle is also your Higher Self & Guide. (you are guided by your own power doubled)

To the Mayan, Blue Eagle represents the eagle, the one who soars in conscious flight above the Earth, the one whose vision sees far beyond the mind of humanity. Blue Eagle is the compassion of all hearts linked as one. Blue Eagle is the essence of dawn – clear, fresh, and newly charged to fulfill your most cherished dreams. With unconditional love, Blue Eagle pierces the depths of collective hopelessness and lifts mass consciousness. It urges the alliance of the faithful of the stars to serve through their remembrance of the light.

The harmonic wisdom of Blue Eagle is flow, representing smooth, uninterrupted movement. Blue Eagle is the flow of planetary conciousness. In this evolutionary development, whatever serves the larger pattern also serves you. In this, there is a model of flowing wholeness, of how to move gracefully with yourself and the greater whole. Blue Eagle gives the cosmic dancer wings. It asks you to fly, riding the magical currents of your life with the vision and grace of a soaring eagle. The energy of Blue Eagle gives you the ability to flow in every moment, without preconceived ideas, plans, or belief systems, creating the crest of the wave on which you surf to new heights of joy and delight!

Here is the party TONIGHT CALLED FLOW which I am going to dance my ass off in JOY and DELIGHT like last night!

White World-Bridger is your Subconscious Self and Hidden Helper.

In this life-time you are being asked to release and surrender. Surrender is the opposite of giving up. It is freeing yourself from the desire to be in control, letting go of how you think things should be. Surrender is freedom. You are being invited to release yourself from the bondage of preconceived action, to let everything be all right as it is, so that you can live a more inspired life in the moment!

You are being asked to take action in the process of surrender and release. You are requested to die a symbolic death, to surrender your limiting beliefs. Symbolic death unveils the self by cutting away the outgrown parts of yourself that no longer serve you. In such death, ego structures fall away to reveal the garden of the true self. Look for new ways of being, new people, new ideas, and new directions that will move into the vacuum created through surrender and release. Like yeast, surrender enlivens and empowers you to experience more of life’s fullness.

Holding on to past patterns and grievances only limits the possibilities. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. Let go. Surrender whatever limits you. Face whatever you are resisting. In the experience of any loss, it is never too late to complete. Through your willingness to walk in the dark forest, insights and revelations will naturally emerge.

Red Serpent represents your Challenge and Gift. With maturity and awareness this challenge will turn into a Focus. This is what you desire to learn in this lifetime.

Red Serpent represents the reptilian brain. This part of the brain thrives on routine, pattern and predictability. If you are in the shadow of Red Serpent, you may be living your life on “automatic pilot,” appearing to be separated from choices motivated by your Essence Self. Utilitze the power of Red Serpent to create spontaneity and novelty, freeing the predictability of the routine and habitual.

The shadow of Red Serpent can also be seen as adherence to cultural beliefs. One example of this is having the “right” diet, car, house, meditation practice, and so on. Another is wanting others to fit your picture of desirability or fulfill your desires, in order to create a feeling of security and self-worth. Transform these patterns. Discover your own intrinsic motives. Sense the novel choices available to you. Practice making decisions intuitively and spontaneously. You are being asked to connect instinct with essence.

Another shadow of Red Serpent is being attached to the physical body or being enmeshed in sensual desires. Perhaps you identify so much with your body and how it looks that you think your body is you. This can support the illusion of separation from your Essence Self. Work with the issues and physical desires held within your body. Step aside from your self-judgements and issues of sexual expression. Utiltize Red Serpent to fully experience sexuality in alignment with love. See the body as a sacred tool for transformation. Step aside from judging the sexual preferences and expressions of yourself and others.

Hidden in the dark recesses of this shadow are issues of sexual dysfunction, sexual harassment, rape, sexual abuse, and the fear around AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases. Red Serpent offers transformation and healing. Revealed in these shadow issues of sexuality is a desire for deeper union, love, and intimacy. Some people feel intimacy only during infatuation or romantic interludes and lovemaking; however, intimacy is the mutual connection between essences. It is the ability to acknowledge the depths of another person, and it can be fostered through many kinds of sharing, including that of feelings and vulnerabilities, warmth and affection, and hopes and fears. Explore what it means to be intimate with another, remembering that intimacy is an open door to higher state of consciousness.

The transformation offered in this shadow is found in learning to love yourself and others unconditionally.

Yellow Seed is your Compliment – something that comes naturally to you.

Yellow Seed is the ordered pattern of growth. You and your life are the fertile soil, and the mystery blooms within you through the power of your intention or seed thoughts. Just as a seed contains the hologram of its completion, the process of manifestation follows a natural order. In this gestation process, your intention is quickened by Spirit. The charged seed, your true desire or vision, becomes the focus for germination.

What can you open that will support receptivity and assist the germination of your seed intentions? Envision the seed receiving the invitation to grow in the openness of your world. Viscerally feel the possibility of your heart’s dream emerging. Your true desires and dreams contain an innate intelligence that can break through even the rigidity of fixed expectations. Planting a new seed, even in the hard soil of old belief systems, can bring unexpected magic and growth.

Be willing to break open the constraining shells of past patterns, the shackles of belief structures. Call forth your creative involvement with life. This involvement frees and awakens the powerful energy of the life force, shifting your perceptions and experience, catalyzing the manifestation of your dreams. Participate spontaneously in your growth, unrestricted by the illusion of old structures that once provided safety. Move forward into the light of new possibilities.

Offer your dream-seed to the universe. In the ordered patterning of the light, align with your heart’s greater purpose. In gratitude, surrender and release the seed to the benefit of your growth and its own pattern of perfection.

The number for Yellow Seed is four, the vibration of measure. This is the number of cycles and seasons. It represents the ordered patterning of the light wherein, as Jose Arguelles says, “form learns to generate its own seed.” The number four represents the freed pattern of form, the germination of specific seeds co-created with Spirit. If you are in the process of seeding something, meditate with the number four and the energy of Yellow Seed to assist you.

Your Tone is Tone 1 – Magnetic

Unconditional love, the one heart, indivisible essence, core vibration, new beginnings, chalice of the infinite, All That Is.

One is the ray of unity with self and Source. Call forth the resonance of your true vibration. Feel the pulse of this ecstatic frequency of the One. You are being offered profound awakenings and the exquisite radiance of unconditional love. This is a time of new beginnings in your life. Be active in your individual expression, committed to the growth of your Essence Self.

You contain the paradox of the “separate” self and unity with the One. You are simultaneously the primal point of beginning and the crowing culmination. You are the initiator. You are the one who opens the way. You may feel alone or separated from Source. If so, stand in the unity of your Essence Self and focus on the reality of the one heart. You are the wisdom you seek!

I am at a point in my life where everything I am is exposed and wide open. Everything speaks to me, they won’t shut the fuck up and I cannot even sleep at night because time wakes me up from dreams that seem to bleed into my life. I don’t understand what I am turning into. I am not scared anymore, but it’s rather annoying when I feel like I am loosing myself. I feel like everything is fucking with me so hard, so very hard.

I love this song. Thanks for sharing it with me!


Light and Dark embrace as Father and Mother birthing the new consciousness into Existance on Earth as our Divine Children.

I love you Ryan! We make beautiful babies!


You play with my heart
I hate to fart
Dancing in my life
Pass me the pipe
You so smart

Oh My God Man

You drive me insane
But I like it
You take away all pain
And I like it

I love the way you sing
You brighten my day and night
Your humor is king
Im ready to take flight

Thank you for loving me

Thank you for being you
Thank you for making me laugh
Thank you for wiping my tears
Thank you for music
Thank you for haunting me
Thank you for patiently waiting
Thank you for picking me up when I fall
Thank you for being strong
Thank you for so much love
Thank you for loving me