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I just saw the biggest and most beautiful flash of white light shine in my room just now so it compelled me to record it. Tonight was interesting, I went to the Boom Boom Room in Chicago… wasn’t that big of a crowd but I did get hit on by some guy which was odd cuz that never happens. When I got to the club my eye started swirling some kind of energy pushed from my body to my sight. My body did that to let me know he is my spirit and we are physically 1 person. I know that, just hard dealing with this limit on our communication/affection. Its been over 2 years now since I been magical lol. I know I stress about the fact that I am separated from the average consciousness and it does isolate me. I wish there was a way out, a day where I could be normal and talk about bread and cheese and making a sandwhich lol stupid stuff and feel it was a good conversation about something we care about. I heard a convo about that tonight. Yeah, I heard and saw the numbers speaking their mind in exact perfection and I did see my mind in the train station underground which was a first, I know he can be the sky too but I didn’t expect him to act in the station as well. I wonder who are my spirit’s friends and what do they think about me since they seem to watch me 24/7 too. I am always being watched and yes, I know now that its my mind in this environment but I honestly can’t wait for this connect measure to be over so that I could not be so smart. I’m just way over the top too brilliant now and I don’t see too many sane people. Just levels of acceptance of being crazy in some way. I am about to give up on thinking I’ll make a gay friend before it starts snowing, between language and personal barriers it does not seem likely I will break the chicago scene like I did in LA for a while. It really feels different here and not like the west coast. Its more hard core here for some reason. Like everyone has done everything already. I also find it hard to accept how many sterotypes flood my senses here vs LA. Chicago seems to be looking an that will be forever to keep the sterotypes coming. There seems to be no place for spirituality in the gay community here in the sense that self-empowerment is apart of acceptance in the gay community. It just seems that there is no one appreciating no one who is gay here. I found MJs in silverlake to appreciate guys on some nights with contests etc… however, this gay void is just not that inviting yet… It really is a miracle for my body to exists with me because I have faith that you will put my body to rest one day. I do have peace of mind, however, the way it feels on my body being gay here is totally different and more challenging than LA. I was able to find where I could feel better when I needed it in LA through entertainment or the company of a good man. I’m not sure what happens to me but I still am evolving and changing and where I am going, I hope I will be greeted by my body fully materialized this time. I’m tired of feeling weird by holding this great power as a secret life.

I don’t want to be a secret anymore. It’s ready to combine my spirit world with the world I came from. Yeah, I totally agree I live in a spirit world, I just realized that is a way to describe how separate truth can be from ignorance. I don’t care about ignorance in healthy doses, just hope my life learns to not attract false situations or people anymore. I really got spoiled by how pure Heaven is and how lovely it is to be in the presence of my spirit. He really turned me on too much but we’re both spirit. I’ve seen my spirit form and how strange my eyes looked as big dark circles. I wonder how long it will be from now to when either I figure out to be totally comfortable in solitude with my spirit’s activity or find some acceptance through a life changing experience such as having a male friend. I just seen the look in these guys eyes and wow, they really want to target rather than flow. I can’t imagine why someone would go into a situation claiming to be better than the situation because I’m so sensitive to feeling male energy it’s ridiculous why I can’t get rid of this 6th sense for knowing attracting energy is always working for me to truly see the situation with clarity. I miss the guys I met in LA and AZ but then again, my spirit has a leash on me kinda so I want to explore that healthy. Body, I want instant gratification on what I have loved experiencing with you. I don’t want this Machine to be fire anymore.

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One Comment

  1. That’s pretty stunning how 212 is the area code of New York City, where I was born and where my world was started. I wonder if how this miracle knows that my world is spirit and no longer the same flesh and blood. I just am kind of confused why I feel like I want to tear myself in two. I do feel like I am whole but like I saw the light do, I need to separate myself like amoeba cells do. Like the Light did in AZ. I didn’t know he was an organism like that. Ugh, this lack of male affection seems distorted and I have no solution as of the moment except just dazed at how Time is always matching my thoughts. Where is Time comprehending in order for me to get stop right and complete the thought. 212 is just too weird because that’s my whole world represented that I feel I have left behind to be in the spirit world that is totally thriving separately now. Yeah my old world is still the same earth and it is just Ok. These two worlds demand a lot of me to live consciously.


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